2016-09-30 Talking to the Doc
From Transformers: Lost and Found
|Talking to the Doc|
|Location||Lost Light - Docks and Storage - Rung's Office|
|Summary||Vortex has been driven to extreme measures... he is actually talking to Rung.|
Tucked next to the munitions stores in a quiet, seldom-frequented corner of the ship, Rung's Office is notable for the models lining his shelves. There is also a workstation and a couch capable of holding even truly massive bots.
Vortex does see Rung regularly. This has never benefitted Vortex outside of being decently sure he's just a session or two from getting Rung to curse or yell. No bot could endure what he puts Rung through for long, even at spaced out intervals. And how immensely satisfying it could be when Rung snapped like that. The psycho-therapist might believe he gets information but Vortex tells himself exactly how much he is giving away each session. Never more. Today is different.
Today, Vortex does not have a session. Today, he is going to see Rung of his own volition. And he has not idea what he's going to say. He hesitates before the door, not wanting to interrupt- no, no, he needs to see him now. Hopefully there's no one else in there. Vortex opens the door. "We need to talk," he says flatly, trying not to look as dismal and pathetic as he felt.
Rung is quick to open the door half poised to send whoever it is away, Vortex can see inside to another mech sitting on the couch who seems rather confused at the situation, but stops the second he sees Vortex. The mech has never come on his own before.. Something is incredibly wrong. Optics scanning the other's face, it is not long before Rung gives a quiet but firm, "One moment, wait here please." The door is shut and, not even a full minute later like Rung said, the door opens once again and the mech inside is quick to shuffle down the hall and out of sight. Rung appears in the doorway once again and ushers Vortex inside, "Please come in." His other patient can wait, Vortex has just become a priority case.
Oh, there is someone else inside. Lucky him. His rotors rustle unsurely on his back before he nods. Vortex waits on the other side of the door, the brow ridges beneath his visor pulling together. Perhaps he should have waited or messaged to make an appointment or something. He steps aside as the door opens again to let the mech out. He stares after the mech, visor flashing. Actually, it was probably a good thing he was coming to see Rung now.
Hrm.. Another unsure rustle of rotors and he slips inside the room, looking around. "Didn't think there'd be anyone here..." he mutters, only half true and sounding as dull as he did before. He stands there lamely, not fidgeting as he looks over everything. Eventually, Vortex goes and takes a seat on the couch, different from his usual flouncing and posturing.
Rung softly closes the door after Vortex, watching him out of the corner of his optics. Something is clearly wrong with the rotary. Already the psychiatrist can tell his speech and body language are completely off his normal patterns. He seems wary, stressed... Rung might even go as far as to say fearful. He adjusts his own body language to convey only calm and move distinctly enough that Vortex can tell what he is doing. All irritation or tiredness Rung has had during their previous sessions is gone, replaced instead with only concern and readiness to listen. "It is alright Vortex, when I tell others they may come to me for anything I mean it." As he gently sits back at the desk Rung asks, "What is it that you wished to talk about?"
Vortex looks at his servos, seeming to take great interest in scraping his claws and tapping them togther. Klink-klink-scraaaape. Klink-klink-scraaaape. After a bit, he vents and looks at Rung, staring at him. "If I'm going to talk, about anything, its off record. Off file. Off report. No where but your memory banks and no one knows anything but you and me. And no one else." A beat. "Okay?"
Rung listens intently as Vortex gives his terms for the meeting, very much aware that Vortex is beginning to open up to him... and the implications of why he would do such a thing are astronomical. It is concerning that he doesn't wish for there to be a record of what he says, but that is something Rung considers a small price for being able to help the mech. He has had patients with such feelings before. "Okay." He is going to let Vortex lead this conversation, let him decide the pace he is comfortable with.
Vortex pauses and nods slowly, rotors shuffling as he leans back to rest against the couch. There's a stretch of silence before he talks. "It's weird. Being on this ship. Sitting in a room with you. I thought you'd be afraid of me- Autobots and neutrals. Sure, the details are secured but there's always rumors. I'd call the rumors tame." The laugh is flat and humorous, almost forced. He looks at the ceiling. "I'm a sadistic interrogator with no enemies to torture. It's all so surreal... I want to hurt you. I want to hear you scream and beg and give you no release until you bore me. Not just you- everyone. It's always been like that and I could fantasize and move on. I know its wrong but I want to. Dunno why I want to... Well, not everytime." He glances back at Rung, posture tense.
What Vortex will see is not the horrified look he is probably expecting. Rung's face holds no fear or even disgust at what Vortex is telling him, his body language hasn't changed in the slightest. None of this surprises him in the least. In fact, Rung only expected as much based both on what little Vortex has told him and observations the therapist has made day to day. His suspicions are only beginning to be confirmed. A small gentle nod is given as encouragement and as an indication to keep going. Rung is not going to interrupt or comment until Vortex has said what he wishes.
Vortex relaxes slightly and goes back to looking at the ceiling. "It's an itch, I used to be able to scratch it. Or put something- something that relates to an itch metaphor... I think I used to be different, existed without this. But I just don't really remember anymore. Its gotten worse though." His rotors flex. "I could control it, ignore it but ever since- its always there. I know it not right. I don't care about that, really, but I shouldn't so I don't. Its getting harder, though. Fantasies, reality, hallucinations- they all seem real."
Rung has had patients who hallucinate before. He has had mechs that go as far as to believe the real world is false. Normally such thoughts and beliefs are triggered by a traumatic event, something that shakes their hold on reality. Rung breaks his silence with a question, spoken softly and said carefully to try and lead Vortex into explaining more about what he is experiencing, "When did these fantasies begin to seem real?"
Vortex pauses. He's not about to tell anyone about the Box. Not specifically. Too many already knew. "I was imprisoned... A long time ago." A beat. "And... a couple of days ago," he says slowly. "Since then, its felt... Harder. I think I'm going to do something, hurt someone. And then I'll go back." An involuntary shudder runs through his body and his optics drop to the floor. Again, he doesn't care about hurting anyone, he'd enjoy it very much even if it is wrong. But the possibility of how it could affect him is terrifying.
<FS3> Rung rolls Psychiatry: Great Success. (5 3 3 8 2 4 2 1 4 3 5 8 8 8)
Rung watches as a shiver overtakes Vortex's body at the thought of being returned to whatever form of imprisonment he is speaking of. He is perfectly aware that Vortex is not horrified at the idea of harming someone. Not with previous behaviors and what he just revealed behind his words. Whatever form his imprisonment took, it clearly was something extremely traumatizing. Something he doesn't even wish to think about. The only types of imprisonment Rung can think of to cause this sort of effect would be total isolation or extended sensory deprivation.. And the therapist is leaning towards both as they both share similarities. These are similar symptoms displayed by some mechs imprisoned in Garrus 9, mechs whose sparks were removed from their frames with the fear they might be able to escape if left otherwise. From what he has been described it is.. A terrifying experience.
Rung is already deciding on a tentative path to take Vortex. A semblence of a plan in mind, Rung begins to go into action.. In a manner of speaking, "Vortex, what do you do when these fantasies come to you? When they feel real?"
Vortex rubs his fingers together before sinking his claws into his palm on one hand and pricking his fingerpads on the other. "I make sure. Pain makes things real. I don't think anyone appreciates how I help them. It is better to know you're alive than not, right?" He looks at the energon with dull curiousity, smearing it over a thigh. Playing with it, one would say. Energon was fascinating, even when he was depressed. "This usually makes me happy," he adds.
Rung tracks Vortex's fingers as he pricks his palm, drawing energon, and smears the substance around. Vortex is afraid of being sent back to his imprisonment over harming others. He also is harming himself in an effort to keep himself connected to reality. "Vortex." Rung speaks in a kind but firm tone that is meant to draw the rotary's attention, to make him look at the therapist, "You are not going to be put through that experience again. No one around here would do such a thing. And if they try, I will not let them." There is both utter honesty in Rung's voice towards his words but also an underlying determination. Clearly he means it when he says he will not let them.
"You know, bots keep saying that. But they're wrong. It already happened, no one stopped it. Could happen again." Clearly, Vortex doesn't believe him. He was foolish enough to think it wouldn't happened again already, he can't be lulled back into that state with words.
Rung doesn't say anything else about the subject, not yet. Anything he says now won't help anything besides potentially reinforcing what he already believes. Instead Rung slowly stands and goes to a drawer, rifling through it quietly before approaching Vortex. "Vortex, when you begin to think your fantasies are real I believe you are suffering from a condition known as disassociation. If you don't already know, It involves a mech mentally separating themselves from the real world. I would need to know more about what you are experiencing but it more than likely is rather mild at the moment, as you seem able to bring yourself back from it."
Gently Rung lifts a strange looking object, a sphere like piece of metal with strange grooves and seams running across. The therapist carefully twists one half and the entire thing rotates with a very distinct clicking noise, "If you are willing to humor me, I would like you to take this. Whenever you begin to fall into one of these episodes, whenever you are beginning to question what is real, I want you to twist it as I just did and listen to the sounds it makes. As you do so I want you to think about reality but not just what you experience. I want you to think about those you care about, those who care about you. It might seem silly, but in my experience sometimes smallest things can bring the greatest comfort." Rung specifically chose this object for the sound it makes and the fact that Vortex can twist it nearly any way without breaking it. It gives him both something to listen to and something to feel. Hopefully it will be enough for him to not have to prick and cause himself pain to know reality. The mech's sadistic streak can be dealt with on another occasion, it would be unwise to push him too much at once.
"You wouldn't think them mild if you saw what I dream about." He knew about that problem. A lot of them. He just wanted to stop feeling this way. Vortex looks at the little ball, not entirely impressed. It's not going to be the same. Its not going to help. He vents harshly and takes it anyways. "It won't do anything but I can try..." Which was more or less him saying 'I'm desperate.' He rolls the ball in his palm. He's having serious doubts that Rung can really help like Air Raid and Riptide said. He turns to look out the window on the wall. He doesn't feel better in the slightest.
Rung feels a bit of relief as Vortex takes the sphere. Hopefully he will actually be willing to try it. He goes back to his desk before continuing, "It might also benefit you to get off of the ship for a little while. Next time you have the chance, I would suggest heading planetside and getting a bit of fresh air." He starts to type away at a datapad, "There are also other exercises I would like to suggest but I only wish for you to do what you are comfortable with. You shouldn't push yourself farther than you think you might be able to handle." The therapist finishes clicking away and holds the datapad out for the rotary. A glance will show it is a list of exercises or activities that Rung has found to help patients with similar conditions in the past.
Get off the ship? That... Actually sounds good. Vortex's rotors flick and he warily accepts the datapad, looking it over. He knows fixing this is a lot of work. He knows there's no way it just... Will disappear. But why can't it. He'd rather forget the whole thing. He sits up straight, visor flashing. Now that is an idea. He glances at the datapad, rapping his claws against it. "I will give them a try..." he says at last.
Rung gives a small smile as Vortex he will give them a try, "That is all I ask." It will likely be a slow process, and will only work if the mech allows Rung to help him. All he can really hope is that Vortex will attempt his suggestions.
Vortex pauses before putting the datapad and clicker ball in subspace. He looks Rung over. "Don't tell anyone." He cannot stress this enough. He's decently sure he might just snap and kill the next person who just happens to know more than they should.
"I will not inform anyone unless you wish me to. Nor could I," Rung looks back up at Vortex from the datapad in his hands, "It would break both patient confidentiality and your own wishes." Meaning if he did tell someone, it would not only be his life potentially in danger from Vortex's wrath, but his job would be lost as well. "I will say once again, if you need anything I am always willing to help." That Rung can say with the utmost certainty.
Lost job or Vortex's wrath, wonder which one Rung should really worry about. The rotary gets to his pedes, rotors shuffling and folding behind him. "Yeah, just keep it that way... I guess I'll see ya at our next meeting." The one actually scheduled.